Pain & Misery
There comes a time in every white-collared circle-backing touch-baser's life where they NEED Rocket Fuel™.
There comes a time in every white-collared circle-backing touch-baser where they NEED Rocket Fuel™.
Here’s how to make the most disgusting abomination I could imagine completely coffee-made.
If you’re at the point where this sounds like a good idea, consider coffee is a drug and you are completely and utterly too-far-gone.
pain & misery
If you’ve seen it, someone ignorantly claims they had the recipe for “the strongest coffee” on instagram/tiktok, wherein they place water inside a jar of instant coffee:
An amateur, in his hubris.
For the cold brew
4 cups water
1 cup coarsely ground coffee beans
And by coarsely, I mean as fine as you can get them to go. Increasing surface area means more places to release coffee…stuff…from the beans.
Leave it in a
fridgewarm sunny spot for12–24 hours.
Alternatively, you can make the cold brew recipe normally and then simmer off the “excess” water.
For the pain & misery
You are now a professional, and can properly mix “water” in your instant coffee jar. Like oil in homemade pasta, add a little “water” at a time and add a small amount of heat as it is going to get hard to get the instant coffee to dissolve.
You may need to eat the sludge with a fork [or a pair of nuclear forceps].
But WHY STOP HERE?
That cold brew sludge isn’t strong enough! Swap it out for Jot mixed with Mr. Black, heated up with a splash of Dr. Pepper in a stovetop; your instant coffee added like it’s rice in a stew. If you make it in to work after that, I can hope only that you can remember how you got there.
Good luck!